I guess being sixty-two years old has not enabled me to understand human nature. Try as I might, when people get angry with me I have a hard time handling it. Especially if they don’t work it out or enable me to do something about it. I wish with all my heart that it didn’t bother me so much! How does one just shrug off the odd person who hates you or is angry with you? I surely don’t know. This is not a blog insisting on my innocence by any means. It is a cry to understand what sets people in enmity with one another (with me) and what can I do about it?
Morning chores with the goats took longer than expected. It was a beautiful, cool morning and part of me just couldn’t hurry through it. In the back of my mind I wondered why the horses weren’t loitering around the goat pen and the donkey, as spokesman, wasn’t hurrying me up with his noxious bray. I should know better to discount things that don’t seem quite right.
My husband told me the other day that he had read my previous blog “Relentlessly Cheerful”, only he said relentlessly happy. Well cheerful and happy are not the same thing at all. Cheerful is an act of the will – an act to conquer my whiny self and to overcome my impatience. So I thought a lot about why being happy and cheerful are different.
At this time of year when it is cold and gray and the animals have been eating the dead grass it is particularly hard to be around them. They get grain in the morning and nice green alfalfa in the afternoon but they have their mouths open complete with whinnies and bellows whenever you stick your head out the door. Morning feed is particularly dangerous when you appear with the grain bucket! There is no gratitude. Their god is the belly. It is so easy to wonder why in the heck I do this. And so I have been practicing the “relentlessly cheerful” attitude. The more they complain, the deeper my cheerfulness goes. It is really hard! As I get butted, climbed on, kicked at and smeared with dirt, it is so hard to not swear and cuff and kick back.
Recently, my son Bernard and I set about to lime our fields. All was going splendidly until we hit a soft patch and not only got the truck stuck but the lime buggy! Now our behemoth truck has four wheel drive and should have handled it but unfortunately NOT! We had several problems with which to deal. One, once we got the vehicles out, we had no clear way to get them out of that field due to the woods unless we went back through the very spot we were trying to get out of. Then we had to get the vehicles out one at a time.